metallic.

a cold colour.
have you ever seen a cold colour? one that you see and makes you shiver.

being bold.
I wanted a colour that isn't something I would normally wear. something that isn't me? whatever the matter, something to make a statement.

metallic.
bleh, must taste bad. but it looks oh so nice. green-grey-blue toned shimmer. 'I thought you wanted to be bold'
..ya i did, i guess..maybe just a statement. of what?

cold
'looking at it makes me feel..cold' oh. that sounds about right.

try
Am Em C G

.

a little bump, a little rock?
something's there, in my throat.
can't swallow, it's uncomfortable.
heart heavy.

more

uniqueness - acts7/8
..we come from different stories, backgrounds, history. and so does those whom God place here. we are  influencing each other. the mark we make to one another can be lasting, life-changing..so do we want the Glory of God to change lives, Jesus' love to be lasting?

one-ness - psalm 131, john 17
..Jesus' prayer is to be one, unity as one body.

growth - mark 4

HE is greater, HE is more.

.

staaaaaahhhhhp eeeeeeeeeeeeet.
stop the wallowing.
stop the time wasting.
focus on what is ahead of you.
it's not worth it.
celebrate today.

reminder

the power of prayer

is something that is constantly ringing today.
from sharing to listening, for wisdom and strength.
then hearing to seeing, for healing and peace.
followed by questioning and confession, for love and clarity.
and finally a thought and a reminder, of the power of prayer.

stabbing in Henan, Chengping.
gunning in Newstone, Connecticut.
children. the pain.
healing and peace.

reminder of the lost, the loved, and the Beloved.

dearly

why?
the discovery, the hurt, the emptiness, the shame, the fear, the...

the love, the gaze, the smile, the joy..

fall short.



and because of this, it is pushed..
to ends.
so maybe, it has to resurface.




love you dearly.

dry

i know because i'm emotional, there are many tears to spare.

but when the time comes to react..

just let it run dry, so they don't have to surface and fall out. 

just run dry. 

[rhythms] show me

This is my prayer

Father God please pull her out
out of the ditch that she is digging deeper
out of the non-existing wonderland she is hoping to see
out of the hell-hole that she is playing around with

I want to see her
the daughter you've made her to be
I see it, I saw it, the sparkle in her eyes, the fire burning for your kingdom
Father, it's in your daughter
Father, show me how to love like you Loved

Father..

[rhythms] step and stone

these are the steps You bring me through

with each step up i took, i was hoping not to see you.

going with hopes

..but then again, maybe not today.

from a buzz and a phrase

i answered

then questioned

and drifted

then a step and a step
until i see ..a stone
heavy.

back to where i long to leave
so they fell.
droplets

but not for long, as You show me the work of Your hands
the wonders, the joy, the act of creation
followed by surprise and laughter, stun and acknowledgement
short but sweet, reminisce and linger

when grey clouds float, pity became anger
fueled with disappointment and neglect
something from the past, but somehow resurfaced.

maybe that is how it was, how i am.
the jealous me.
the hideous me.
the broken me.

yet You continue to walk with me, talk to me, love the unlovable
but not without a price. the heavy heavy price of your life.
You shower me with grace, but i shake it off like the unwanted, insignificant.

with each step You guide me to
each stone on my heart, the burdens.
You take it out and place it in front of me, so that it becomes a stepping stone
waiting..

:)

祝我快樂的十二月一號 :)

cold

In the cold, I sit
Numbing of touch, shaking inside.

water

it has been quite tiring.
am i not drinking enough liquids, that i feel burnt out a lot of the times?
or am i not allowing the flow of living water to come, and flow through, unending, and ever-nourishing, ever-replenishing. am i denying the rest i can find through him?

to see

the wonders of your creation, the stories each of our lives. 

the sights you place before us, and the unforced rhythms of grace from you.

maybe i've caught a slight case of wanderlust?
i  guess it's not too bad, being in a city that quite exciting, if i must say. filled with festivities and weekly weekend events, quite a sight.

coming back from Europe, and then Ottawa, and then New York, i've come to see many faces, hear their stories, experience the joy, and overcome the weaknesses - things that are ever present, but can be easily missed, once caught up in the hurricane of future, school, finances, relationships.
and so i've read blogs, of travelers, of solo, of pairs, of faith, of travelers. and something consistent is to see and appreciate and love what is around me, where God has placed me in this moment, at this time.

and off i go, to experience the warmth of the mid-November sun, shining brightly on a Saturday afternoon - on my first Saturday off since a long time...August?

try

i'm safe, i'd like to be safe, and i believe that i have a lot of control, that i can keep myself safe, when things may want to happen.

i can control. and i think i did. 

yep. so i figured that there are a lot of things on my mind, that i try to make a mental note of, to do. like a to do list. i guess a sort of bucket list? essentially a to-do list. since they are quite a thing for now, i figure i'll make one, take some things off my mind, so i can make room for other things to remember...like school..@_@ next up, finals *!%@#^&!*@^%#^&!@*^%#^!@&#

lol

anyhow, here it is. some quite trivial, but i still haven't done. and some, i just really want to do. of course, i'd say this is probably within a short time-frame, there are some stuff a tad more outrageous that i want to do in the long run...but ya :)

1. paint. anything. with anything. pastels, acrylic, watercolour, oil. 

2. finish and perfect (or the most to my ability) a gr.9 classical piece.

3. eat Smoke's Poutinerie. I really want to try it. 

4. make a model. like this -> http://www.tokyo-insider.net/?p=6896 

5. eat WVRST food. another one i really want to try, but keep on missing opportunities ><

6. make macarons and spend a whole day baking, with 2-3 final products. so that i be satisfied in knowing that a whole day baking was well spent. haha.

7. a weekend trip to Kingston.

8. bike in Toronto. preferably along harbourfront, and just go. 

9. learn to play a legit song on the guitar. tho 'legit' is subjective by me - lol - i think my standards are set at a reasonable level. high.

10. figure out ways to store my lomo photos. i love them, but i can't just keep sticking them to the wall.

11. drop a message to all those whom i met overseas July 2012. i really miss them. 

12. pierce my ears. i guess i'll do that eventually...

13. overlook the nighttime cityline of Toronto, then proceed to watching a sunrise, with the city beneath my feet.

14. take a pastry class. and learn to make flowers and decor and such.

15. go to Wonderland.

16. print screen a shirt with my design. 

17. learn how to skate.

18. help out at a soup kitchen.

19. Paintlounge to paint.

20. watch a broadway in Toronto.

21. cook a full meal for the famjam. 4 course? challege accepted.

22. learn to mix a couple drinks. right, that requires me to purchase a cocktail shaker.

23. go on a trip to Niagara and it's proximity.
24. get certified to teach english as a second/foreign language.
25. pay off my credit card.
26. speak French fluently.
27. go fruit picking. in order of preference: strawberry, blueberry, apples.
28. go to a zoo.
29. learn how to drive. from taking my G1 to fully G.
30. really explore the inside and out of Central Park, NYC.

well, that's it for now, still under construction, but it'll be fun :)

much love. 

focus

in a blur of things,
between bumpy roads, occasional head bobs, and neck strains,
from the stuffy air and warmth by your side,

i come to know
you
just a little bit more
you reach out
just a little bit more
you touch
just a little bit more
i fall
just a little bit more
i pray.
mat26:41.

but i wonder
why do you do this
and i wonder
who do you do this to
so i wonder
what are you thinking
when you look at me.

why?

please focus.