tension

no.
How can that be easily said?

Give me time.
Leave me alone.
I need time..alone.
Silence.

It's hard. When it's said, it hurts.
Understandable. but it hurts.
And I've been hurt. And now it's my turn.
But it's not supposed to be that way.
LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY
but it's hard.

no, I heavily dislike the word 'hate'
and i do not 'hate' you
but rather, you're a sister whom I dearly love.
I dearly care about
- though many a time, we've spoken about this, and I guess I've just been doing it wrong, because you don't know -
and because of that love, I was vulnerable, still, open

to all the things known, but unsaid
to all the daggers of words, of cut calls, of ignoring, of harsh words and attitudes, of brushing things off.
I take it in.
and maybe that's why I unknowingly project this.
my way of self-protection,
to create a distance,
- because you seem to work that way
and because of the way I work does not seem to be understandable
I figure you must understand this way
so maybe you'll finally get me -
to prevent this from happening..again.

things are well, was well, but I don't know why
and suddenly, i feel like a puppet, going ways to wherever the string pulls, without knowing
and I'm afraid
afraid of being thrown away
brushed off
back to one
when things pick up

but I should not feel this way, as everything is for something, and this is for growth.
but it's happening, and the elastic is stretched, near it's capacity
I don't want to,
I really don't.

I am bitter
As bitter as these words that are coming out of my mouth
but bitter, I cannot be.
Because if bitter is in me, no joy, or love, or trust can be in me
and there will be no room for Him, my Creator.
And that hurts. a lot.

Waves

Here it is, the silence of still waters
Occasional waves, lapping over each other

Oh, what a joyous puppy, coming up to me, as it's owner has her on a leash, but watches afar
Allowing the time between us, to be filled with giggles and cuddles.

One month
How do I prepare my heart for You?
such that it may be pure, warm, softened - for Your love to be expressed.

Two months
Father, use me.
Use these hands and feet to love, as well as a gentle heart.

Three months
Guide me as I go back, to where You've placed me, to where struggles arose, yet to where I must grow.
Father, teach me to love, and let go.

失眠。。

Stress

Pressure

也不知道為什麽 但是有點不安的感覺。。
然後這兩個句英文就在我腦海裏 不離開
好煩啊！
想睡覺 但是真的很緊張。。
唔知點解。。

嘿。。算啦。。

Father, please take this away, and give me diligence.

Boxed

And there are many layers now, I can't tell anymore..
But what I know is that I couldn't look at you
It may break
And it may pour
The guard may be gone.

Maybe it's the wee hours of the night
Or the tiring of laughter
Maybe it's the lack of understanding
And the frustrations hidden in the running water and soapy dishes

Or maybe it's the hardened hearts
Who claim to have forgiveness
But again and once again
Dig up the old

May be the putting away of life into boxes
And finding memories that bring joy to the dull
Yet into the boxes it has to go
And a new box when the other becomes full

It may be the words spoken
But no longer matters
Because it's done

Or the words spoken
With such urgency
That brings stress to one

And maybe, it just may be the high hopes I have on myself
And on you
That brings such frustration
But forgetting that it is solely on You that high hopes should lie
...

after LBC retreat

today i went along the road
- where troubles once were washed away and shaken by a huge storm raging with thunder and lightening.
it was frightening, it was thrilling, there was pleading

for safety
for cleansing
for clarity.

and so today, the sky is blue, with clouds fluffy and white.
this time on wheels, cruising by.
remembering the first trip, steps - one by one, drowned by the heavy drops of rain, with the consistency of pouring buckets of water.
it was slow, painful, tiring.

but this second trip was lighter, faster, brighter.
filled with hope, though uncertainties, but faith.
with you in the backseat, though here, we will be clear.


weekend, uncertainties came rushing
revived in hope, clarity

nights

Cold, starry night, talk, clarity
time for time..away
Is it?
Though unclear, maybe it's the best thing to do.
May all that I do be pleasing to You.

arrows

Direction
When we feel we go. When we go, its either continue, or idle. We think we may be worse, but really we continue on in some state, forever moving.
Path
History
Experiences
Interconnected
The fragrance of Christ
77 times we fall but forgiven but because we have you we are saved through you.
Mother Teresa: 50+ years of serving, through faith and conviction, not just through unstable feelings.

wait

you know what is beautiful?
when things are created from the One and Only
when he hits the keys with flat tipped fingers
when two enjoy and laugh to a movie
when one leaves but comes back
when she listens and encourages
when she leaves, leaving one frustrated but ends up finding an outlet, and encouragement
when he stays to wait
when one welcomes with open arms
when they could care less but to satisfy their hunger cravings
when she cringes and he noticed
when he looks and smiles
when creation blooms
when quietness strikes
when warmth awaits
when the road ahead stretches
when a curb is hit, but new paths reveal
when the gear is set in motion, and brings one to places
when she is frustrated but quiet
when tears free fall

but i can't.

this is what is beautiful,

His creation

blossoms.

[rhythms] that You speak

today You spoke.
though You speak everyday, today I heard.
unfortunately, not until today.

once again

and here it is, coming back to haunt.

the uncertainties, the regrets, the fears, the everything

comes rushing back, like a giant wave coming onshore, overflowing in all its capacity

with sand and rocks and debris that have settled

along with new contents floating around, new substance, whether it be trash, or treasure

mixed together, rising high, becoming visible, seemingly overwhelming

and then, like a wave, it retreats back as it nears the shore

once again

it settles, debris and all, back into the depths of stuff

waiting

waiting for the next wave, to uproot it all, once again

leave, left, alone

regret, my fault, my doing

the reminders, the voices, the confusion

the wrong, the thoughts, the unspoken words

好累..

today is one of those days, where things around you seem so full of mystery, full of sorrow, full of unspoken thoughts.

You are the healer, and because of You, I have the strength to go on.

Malachi 4:2

.one.h.twenty.m.

Father, it hurts.

The constant battle of

thoughts.

And again.

The future, the dreams, the destinations, the uncertainties, the possibilities, the goals.

The hope

The fear

The focus

must be in You

and none other.

[rhythms] Press on..

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

- Phil 3:13-14

Swings

Swings

back and forth

back and forth

back

and

forth..

Like summerohten, the breezes, the talks.

I have faith that you will do well in what He has planned for you.

I hope you know that.

Please have hope

:)

~hazelnut haha~

Things happen in funny ways. Getting to know friends, then friends of their friends, siblings of friends.

This post is for you! Glad to have met a very special girl like you :) Glad to have shared sunsets, laughters, and silliness during the time of your visit. Though it was short, circumstance allowed this encounter, and hence i believe it is for the better of both of us.

i wish you the best of luck in Vancity and see you soon? love you!

---------------------------

Made this cheesecake for a friend :) and I really like this recipe because it's so smooth!!

definitely a go to recipe for me for cheesecake now :) tho..i still need to figure out how to make it a little less dense and more soft, even when coming out of the fridge....hmmm...

*This is for a 6 inch springform pan cake size*

Ingredients:

Base:

• 1&1/4 cup crush graham cracker
• 1/4 cup sugar (maybe a little less)
• 1/3 cup butter/margerine

Filling:

• 2 blocks (8 ounce/per) cream cheese
• 1 can (14 ounce) sweetened condense milk
• 3 eggs
• 1/4 cup lemon juice
• 1 tsp vanilla extract *optional*

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
2. Combine graham crackers, sugar, and butter, and press onto the bottom of a lightly greased pan.
3. in a large bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy, then gradually beat in condensed milk until its smooth.
4. Add eggs and lemon juice. Be careful to not to overbeat.
5. Pour into prepared pan, then stick it in the oven for ~55 minutes.
6. Check up on it after 40 minutes. If the sides are pouffy moreso than the middle, decrease the heat to about 315 degrees F.
7. After 55 minutes, turn off oven, then leave the cake in the oven with door ajar for about 30 minutes. The uneven pouffiness should even out.
8. Top with favourite jam or topping. (I made a blueberry sauce which was super yummy, so i'll update that in later posts =])
9. Enjoy!

Because it used condensed milk, it's super smooth, but also because of that, it becomes a little dense when its take out of the fridge in a few days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

士多啤梨蘋果橙

士多啤梨啤梨蘋果橙

水果當正餐

haha oldie songs!! too 正 xp