cold

In the cold, I sit
Numbing of touch, shaking inside.

water

it has been quite tiring.
am i not drinking enough liquids, that i feel burnt out a lot of the times?
or am i not allowing the flow of living water to come, and flow through, unending, and ever-nourishing, ever-replenishing. am i denying the rest i can find through him?

to see

the wonders of your creation, the stories each of our lives. 

the sights you place before us, and the unforced rhythms of grace from you.

maybe i've caught a slight case of wanderlust?
i  guess it's not too bad, being in a city that quite exciting, if i must say. filled with festivities and weekly weekend events, quite a sight.

coming back from Europe, and then Ottawa, and then New York, i've come to see many faces, hear their stories, experience the joy, and overcome the weaknesses - things that are ever present, but can be easily missed, once caught up in the hurricane of future, school, finances, relationships.
and so i've read blogs, of travelers, of solo, of pairs, of faith, of travelers. and something consistent is to see and appreciate and love what is around me, where God has placed me in this moment, at this time.

and off i go, to experience the warmth of the mid-November sun, shining brightly on a Saturday afternoon - on my first Saturday off since a long time...August?

try

i'm safe, i'd like to be safe, and i believe that i have a lot of control, that i can keep myself safe, when things may want to happen.

i can control. and i think i did. 

yep. so i figured that there are a lot of things on my mind, that i try to make a mental note of, to do. like a to do list. i guess a sort of bucket list? essentially a to-do list. since they are quite a thing for now, i figure i'll make one, take some things off my mind, so i can make room for other things to remember...like school..@_@ next up, finals *!%@#^&!*@^%#^&!@*^%#^!@&#

lol

anyhow, here it is. some quite trivial, but i still haven't done. and some, i just really want to do. of course, i'd say this is probably within a short time-frame, there are some stuff a tad more outrageous that i want to do in the long run...but ya :)

1. paint. anything. with anything. pastels, acrylic, watercolour, oil. 

2. finish and perfect (or the most to my ability) a gr.9 classical piece.

3. eat Smoke's Poutinerie. I really want to try it. 

4. make a model. like this -> http://www.tokyo-insider.net/?p=6896 

5. eat WVRST food. another one i really want to try, but keep on missing opportunities ><

6. make macarons and spend a whole day baking, with 2-3 final products. so that i be satisfied in knowing that a whole day baking was well spent. haha.

7. a weekend trip to Kingston.

8. bike in Toronto. preferably along harbourfront, and just go. 

9. learn to play a legit song on the guitar. tho 'legit' is subjective by me - lol - i think my standards are set at a reasonable level. high.

10. figure out ways to store my lomo photos. i love them, but i can't just keep sticking them to the wall.

11. drop a message to all those whom i met overseas July 2012. i really miss them. 

12. pierce my ears. i guess i'll do that eventually...

13. overlook the nighttime cityline of Toronto, then proceed to watching a sunrise, with the city beneath my feet.

14. take a pastry class. and learn to make flowers and decor and such.

15. go to Wonderland.

16. print screen a shirt with my design. 

17. learn how to skate.

18. help out at a soup kitchen.

19. Paintlounge to paint.

20. watch a broadway in Toronto.

21. cook a full meal for the famjam. 4 course? challege accepted.

22. learn to mix a couple drinks. right, that requires me to purchase a cocktail shaker.

23. go on a trip to Niagara and it's proximity.
24. get certified to teach english as a second/foreign language.
25. pay off my credit card.
26. speak French fluently.
27. go fruit picking. in order of preference: strawberry, blueberry, apples.
28. go to a zoo.
29. learn how to drive. from taking my G1 to fully G.
30. really explore the inside and out of Central Park, NYC.

well, that's it for now, still under construction, but it'll be fun :)

much love. 

focus

in a blur of things,
between bumpy roads, occasional head bobs, and neck strains,
from the stuffy air and warmth by your side,

i come to know
you
just a little bit more
you reach out
just a little bit more
you touch
just a little bit more
i fall
just a little bit more
i pray.
mat26:41.

but i wonder
why do you do this
and i wonder
who do you do this to
so i wonder
what are you thinking
when you look at me.

why?

please focus.